| Jun. 14th, 2005 @ 02:06 am You know you are from Las Vegas when.... |
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Current Mood:  giddy
Current Music: Theme song from NBC TV Show "Las Vegas"
For those of us who live here, you'll be nodding your head and laughing right along with them. If you live out of state, be thankful! We're a crazy bunch of people in the desert.
It must be the 100+ temps in the summer that gets us crazy. Las Vegas is celebrating it's 100 year anniversary as a town. I guess we're just set in our ways then.
RULES FOR LIVING IN LAS VEGAS!!
1. First, it's pronounced LOSS VAYGUS, NEVA-A-A-DA (not Nev-ah-da.). It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has its own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with, "Go down 95...' cause you DON'T want to get on 15!"
4. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end.
5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive".
6. The 8:00 am rush hour is 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends some time late Sunday night.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.
8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in a school zone.
9. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd., Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
10. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs, ask any middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it.
11. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and..." Again this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers who move into our valley every month.
12. The 215 beltway intersects on the north and the south with many of the same streets, such as Jones/215, Decatur/215 and Rainbow/215. You must be specific in your directions or the repairman will end up 25 miles from your house. Ditto for newcomers.
13. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runway and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis.
14. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.
15. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the City of Las Vegas are one.
16. The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.
17. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it!
18. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. if you do not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun."
19. And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do! (for you non-residents, this guy is what some would call a "street musician/entertainer")
And, these are my favorites: (they're funny, but SO TRUE!)
You know you're from Las Vegas, Nevada when.......
You buy salsa by the gallon.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You know a "swamp cooler" is not a happy hour drink.
You can say 115 degrees without fainting. (But it's a dry heat!!!)
Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over l00 degrees. (Thank God for Mount Charleston!)
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
Most homes have more firearms than people.
Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"
People with black cars, or who have black upholstery in their car, are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
The Air Conditioner is on your list of best friends.
You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.
Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and other fools will actually buy them.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
And no, we do not live in Los Angeles and commute every day! People actually live in Las Vegas! |
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